verbal punchbag

well Friday and Saturday have been super emotional. I decided we won't move, just don't have the energy for something so major at the moment! then I went to a session with Alliance living Friday afternoon, a forum where my opinion was asked for and respected, I'd forgotten what it was like to have my opinion to be respected! anyway there was an offer of either a carer or some support so I could continue to attend sessions in future. I felt liberated, it may only be once a month or so but WOW!!! unfortunately the news didn't go down so well with the kids, Alex, , in particular has really become resentful of me having my own life and my own opinions. a classic , on Saturday morning, "you don't deserve anytime off", he argues I should devote myself to him and a bit on side to his siblings 110%. for someone who is verbal articulate and highly intelligent he just doesn't grasp the fact that I need my own space. I can understand the demons in his head are driving him but after several hours of being ranted at, "you just don't understand me", "you should do it my way", for fecks sake what has it got to do with him if I was my filters in my hoover out everyday, I don't, he does, but I finally finished talking with him, well that's wrong being talked at by him would be more appropriate! by hanging up the phone and refusing his calls the rest of the day. and how does mum feel, black and blue, as if I have done 10 rounds in a boxing ring. but then , I know from experience, the next thing will be an overdose from him, it may not be today probably be a while away but he will link it all back to me hanging up the phone on him, to not understanding him,to cope with as well. I can hope it doesn't happen. but this ranting and raving is getting to be a daily habit, not only does he want complete control over his life, eg the bleaching and scouring of his body, he wants complete control of mine, what I do and think. and I can't allow myself to remain a victim to his control and abuse any longer. the sad thing is he has no one else, and when those demons in his head are chased away he is the most warm , funny , loving , caring soul. but at the moment the demons are winning and I as his mum can't do a dam thing about them. I'd like to add for years I suffered physical violence from my youngest son, not anymore as he can now, on whole, control himself, verbal violence is just, if not more, hurtful.