going to try and have some me time.

well I have been a bit naughty, but I need some me time. ainsley sleep pattern is upside down, so I tried to keep him awake for a bit longer than he wanted, he went to bed at 6 am, if he had followed his own pattern it probably would have been about 4am. so not much difference but it means I can go out without worrying about him waking up and panicking "where's mum"! his sister will be safe in case he has an outburst, and he will sleep on obliviously. I was just going to leave him, he would have woken up about noon and his sister would have handled him until I get home just before 3pm, but yesterday when he realised I was going out today, he started acting up, winding dog up and demanding my attention by banging. this always happens when he knows I am going out and I usually end up cancelling. so this way hopefully he will sleep. if he wakes up earlier I ill of course come home early. I feel extremely guilty about doing this, am due out again on Wednesday but suspect I won't be doing that! I only want what's best for my kids, but I think my ability to cope diminishes if I am in 24/7, they don't need caring for just the knowledge I am here, most of the time, and I feel like I am slowly becoming brain dead. so today, with Ainsleys sleep pattern fitting in with my plans , I will go out and expand my brain by attending a property care meeting. am I a bad mum. I hope not.